[...]

Idiot.

[Whatever, he'll hug the other now a bit. You better not complain, it's just for a moment.]

[It would be easier if it was Hinamizawa... Then even if he felt he needed a hug or something he could go running home and get one from his parents. They wouldn't even ask why... Well, they may but they wouldn't mind it or anything.

The thought makes him cling a bit more, but it also brings another memory. Minato told him everything finally, he was honest... It's time Keiichi was honest too, he moves away from the hug but doesn't meet Minato's eyes.]

So you... Remember the draft? The first day when i was at the room cleaning my rifle. The things I told you?

[He never got to tell you everything Minato... And now he can't hide it. There's no goal in this other than just letting you know him, the whole him, plain and simple. Minato told him everything and he had far more reasons to keep it quiet so...]

I hated studying, but kept doing it in hopes of getting again praises and all after they stopped coming because it became the usual thing... And I hated it even more as I kept doing it and no rewards came. I had an allowance proportional to my grades so probably I was one of the guys with more pocket money in my school... But I had no friends, and everyone hated me enough to ignore me if I tried to treat them in an attempt to use them to end my boredom. Or they were just bullies whom I hated myself and would have never treated no matter how bored I was.

I wanted... More. I didn't know what but what I had wasn't enough, I wanted recognition but more than anything I wanted a challenge again. Something interesting, new, if recognition came along it, it would be all the better...

I was returning home from cram school when I passed in front of a model guns store, there was a rifle on exposition, divided in all the parts that formed it. It seemed just a mad chaos, how could that amount of junk ever form a rifle? I was bored, I had money and the rifle looking like that seemed like a special kind of puzzle. So I bought it.

It started just like that... At first I was only interested in how they were made, how they looked once made, how the pieces worked together to fire the ammunition... Not just rifles, other fire weapons too. It was... Relaxing to spend time before going to bed taking care of them, disarming them, putting them back together... It was mechanical but it soothed the mind.

Until that too turned too boring to do it just like that so I began to get interested in how they were used. Firing at cans lined up was a greater stress reliever. Seeing how much I could improve my aim was a challenge, how I could still hit the can no matter the conditions of the weapon or in which direction was the wind. I didn't aim to become a pro but... It was different, distracting, a real challenge and one that I enjoyed. But cans and wind can only offer so much challenge.

[He sighs.]

I studied more about them. Straight shooting didn't interest me that much anymore even if it still relieved stress. I began to get interested in snipping... It was... Perfect. Just what I had been looking for. From the very start until the end, snipping was a great challenge. How to find the right position, the right place to not be detected or ambushed, choose the right objective, wait until it was a clean shot, move quickly without leaving traces of my presence... It was just a model rifle, I killed nothing, but the thrill was the same as if it was real.

At first I just... Did that, I mocked shooting, but the rifle wasn't loaded... Until I decided to try that too. Now, looking back I swear I don't know what got into me to think that it was a good idea, I would beat the hell out of the idiot I was back then if I could but...

[Another sigh.]

I shot at people... No, at children. Kindergarten kids that were on their way to school or playing on the park or doing errands for their mothers feeling proud of being so grown up. They all looked so... Innocent, so happy, having friends, having parents that showered them with affection, having a fun time at school and no serious exams to worry about. As long as they learned a single new letter it was enough to receive tons of praises and attention. And they still had tons of time to play and make friends. Despite being nothing but little kids, despite still wearing diapers... They had a happier and more fulfilling life than mine... And I hated them for it. So I played sniper with them, I shot at them, aiming for their diaper covered butts and chubby legs. They weren't real bullets, they didn't cause serious damage, just a few bruises at most and a good scare for the kids who didn't know what was going on and ran away scared and crying to their parents who didn't understand what was suddenly wrong with them and that only made the kids cry more.

I felt good causing that. Eventually, people realized what was going on and suddenly everyone was paranoid and worried and scared. "A sniper in the neighborhood!" "Our kids aren't safe!" No one knew it was me, no one found proofs of it but everyone tried to catch me. It wasn't a praise, everyone hated it, but it felt as if it was. It felt even better when I would be with my parents and they would discuss about it, all worried about the sniper... Not knowing that it was me. Not realizing that the model rifle they had got me for my birthday was the one firing those shots. They didn't even look at my face, because I was a good student, my grades didn't get lower so it was all fine for them with me. There weren't any problems with me for them so long as I studied. But they worried about the sniper. "Is it an adult or a young person?" "If it's a young person, maybe a teen? What kind of parents would a person capable of that have?" "Ones that don't pay attention to their kids." Hearing those conversations from my own parents felt great... Made me want to keep doing that forever.

Eventually kids weren't allowed to be alone, there were warnings all around, they weren't even allowed to play in the parks. They went from their schools to their houses. And wouldn't be allowed to play near windows or even in the school's courtyard... I couldn't shot at them anymore, but seeing their gloom expressions as they got dragged from school to their houses, as they were forbidden to do things and restricted more and more in an attempt to protect them. Still made me feel well. Their lives weren't something I had to hate anymore, I had more freedom than them despite the studies. And if people got relaxed I would do it again and the paranoia would start again... Until one day.

[He nods.]

As I returned home one day... I spotted a little girl all alone on the streets. She was just there, playing, jumping around and being happy. Despite all the warnings and measures people had taken, she was still happy even if she was alone. I didn't think twice about it, I convinced myself that it was her fault for ignoring the warnings and the adults. So I shot at her, like always. But she didn't notice it. And I shot again, and again, and suddenly I was firing in quick succession because she still didn't notice me. Until she finally realized that she was being attacked...

All the kids would ran away then, crying and scared. But she didn't. She turned around, the movement surprised me... I missed my aim in the following shot and the next thing I knew she was screaming in pain... That shriek... From such a tiny person, so full of pain... I'm not going to forget it ever. I can hear it clearly even now if I think of it, my blood friezed as I watched her hold one of her eyes and scream. The ball had missed her lower body and hit her eye. I... I didn't know what to do. I hadn't wanted to cause her that much pain, or maybe I did but when it happened I realized that I didn't want that. That what I was doing was wrong... I wanted to get her to the hospital but... She had seen me, or at least I thought that she had seen me before the ball hit her. I ran away, leaving her there, alone and crying in pain.

I didn't have dinner, or sleep at all. I checked all the books we had in the library about eyes, I studied their structure and all. But knowing if she would lose sight or not didn't serve for anything. I didn't even know if she had been found because I had been such a coward that I had ran away... I had a fever and kept vomiting... My own body rebelled against me and punished me for what I had done. Right then I already wanted to beat myself for what I had done, to die, but that would have served for nothing. So the next morning I woke up my parents and confessed. Dad slapped me several times and mom cried like never before, but after a bit they... Apologized to me. Dad hold me and apologized, for not seeing it, for not hearing me... We then went to the police and I confessed. Because I was a minor and it was my first fault nothing serious happened to me... I was kind of disappointed about that.

Then dad began to search a place to move to. Away from Tokyo, a place for all of us to start again, a place with no cram schools or intelligence tests. And he found Hinamizawa.

Long ago... Someone told me that there are things you don't have to tell others, friends or not, that everyone has things they don't want to tell. I understand that but... I've been wanting to tell you this for a long while. It's not a nice story, it's something shameful that I wish that would have never happened... But it's the only thing I can tell you that it's fully me, the only thing that depends on just me.

[He shows a weak smile. Even now, more than a year later and several worlds apart from that incident, it's clear it still exhausts him out a lot.]

You told me all about you and your world... I couldn't keep hiding myself from you... I'm sorry.

[He will always be sorry. Sorry for what he did, for not being stronger, for not making himself be heard in another way, sorry to that girl, sorry to his friends because he once was such a piece of trash. There's no forgiveness to that. But he's sorry, he knows he will never be forgiven, but he's okay with that, he doesn't want that either.]

[So he can drop by anytime to eat at your house? Oh wait, he already did that.

It surprises him to hear that though. No one else? Not even Shiki? He had... He had been under the impression that she would know everything too.]

I won't tell anyone... Thank you for trusting in me, Minato. Really...

[He nods, and smiles.]

Same here... Though I would prefer you to not have to tell me since I would be there by your side... Or maybe one step behind? That's where best friends have to be, right?

Awesome... Ah!! Another one of your friends is here! Junpei, have you seen him yet?

Great... Sorry for not contacting you about his presence here earlier, I... Well, you know.

[He was in shock and denial over the news.]